I need help organizing the second part of my essay?

. I was pissed and Omg I couldn鈥檛 enter school or get a job because I needed all my things. I told my mom to send me some copies of all my thing which took 2 weeks to get everything. I got into school but they didn鈥檛 want to put me in my right grade since I have also lost my school transcript with everything else. So I ended up repeating the 10th grade and sharing a class with 13 and 14 yr olds. I felt stupid being the oldest, and decided to get out and get a job, and save for home school. It did'nt happen. It was very difficult finding a good job, well I did find one at last, in Wendy's and it was awesome. I also met a really good guy that soon became my boyfriend, we ended up loving each other and talked about marrying each other. He also brought me problems which my aunt. She did't wan't us to be toghether much, because my parents have told her to really take care of me and keep a distance with guys. 3 months later I began to feel sick, and have horrible pain in my stomach and back. I could'nt eat a thing without barfing it. this was happening during hurricane Katrina too, I could'nt believe how horrible my life was feeling. Couple days after that I decided to go to the hospital and chack it out. They said I had stones in my gal bladder and I had to stay in the hospital for surgery. Well my sugery was scheduled for the next 2 days, but it did'nt happen because of the next hurricane that hit...Hurricane Wilma. This one did made things worst in Miami and the surgeon posponed the surgery untill the electicity came back. The hospital had emergeny lights though, but it was dangerous anyways since anything could happen. I was in the hospital for 3 long weeks without eating or drinking anything but the IV's. I lost 30 pounds, and a lot of hair.I need help organizing the second part of my essay?
1) Check your grammar and spelling.



2) What is this essay about? Is it a narrative? It sounds like a bunch of rambling



3) An essay is not a book. Keep each paragraph focused on one topic. There are six or seven things in this essay that have nothing to do with each other.



4) Write and outline. For example.



I. Intro - Provide some background information on what your essay is about. For example; My gall stone surgery.

II. Body of your essay - 2 or 3 paragraphs, about your experience. Keep each paragraph focused on one aspect of your experience.

III. Conclusion. - Summarize what you learned from the experience or what you want the reader to think about.



5) Think about your audience - You're not in High School talking to your fiends anymore. Things like Omg immediately tell the reader that you're not to be taken seriously. You might want to consider getting a Thesaurus as well.



6) After you wright your essay, let it sit for a while. Read it as if you are an outside person who knows nothing about what your essay is about. Or better yet, have someone else read it. If something isn't clear or needs rewriting don't be afraid to do so.



This essay starts out with someone not being able to get into school and ends up with them loosing their hair. Don't be afraid to hack and slash your work. If you need to toss something out that's OK. You may be able to use it latter in a different essay.



Some of the most successful writers go through several rewrites and sometimes the final result resembles nothing like the original idea.



Don't get discouraged! Writing is a skill that must be practiced. Just like playing a sport or musical instrument. You will make mistakes, and that's expected. Just remember it's a learning experience.

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